


party fears two

by LowInHighSchool



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M, idk - Freeform, self harm tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 15:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16663222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LowInHighSchool/pseuds/LowInHighSchool
Summary: in which Olivier tries to fight his feelings for a certain swiss, and Granit has secrets.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s a friday afternoon when Olivier decides to pay a long overdue visit to Granit. Long overdue meant they hadn’t seen each other in about a week. The two were close although with Olivier leaving arsenal it had been hard to make time to see each other, but today Olivier had nothing on, and he knew Granit didn’t either. 

He sets off around 3pm with a bottle of Granit’s favourite wine and a jacket the younger man had apparently left at Olivier’s house god knows how long ago.

It wouldn’t normally be a long drive, but with London traffic it takes well over an hour but it just makes Olivier more excited to see his friend, after what had been far too long.

Maybe this time you’ll actually tell him how you feel, Olivier finds himself thinking. No, no that would be a terrible idea, with the different clubs and clashing schedules. It was better for them to stay this way: as friends.

Once Olivier’s there it doesn’t take Granit long to answer. Olivier had been afraid he’d gone out, or he’d got it wrong and he was actually training today but no, he’s in and Olivier grins as the door opens.

The swiss comes to the door in sweatpants and one of those t shirts with oversized sleeves that went down to just above his elbows. He grins at Olivier when he sees him.

“Oli? Hi” Granit opens the door wider so Olivier can enter “I mean, what are you doing here?”

“I realised we were both free, and it’s been ages, so…”

“I’ve missed you”

“I missed you too. And I brought you...here” Olivier produces the bottle of wine out of his bag.

“Wow, thanks. I like that one” Granit smiles as he leads Olivier into the living room.

“Glad I remembered”

Granit goes to get two glasses whilst Olivier makes himself comfortable, he shoves his bag off to the side and flops onto the sofa. Although they’d been meeting up regularly it had been a while since Olivier had been to Granit’s house. The awful cream rug had been replaced with a light brown one, and he’s sure the walls are a slightly different shade.

“How’ve you been?” Granit asks, coming back in carrying the two glasses.

“Well, yeah. What about you?”

“Alright” Then he corrects himself “I’ve been good, really good”

“I saw your goals”

“Really?”

“Yeah, impressive as ever”

“Thanks”

Granit pours them a glass each of the wine and then he sits down next to Olivier. Just like the last time Olivier feels nervous being this close. ‘You’re just friends’ He tells himself and wills himself to believe it.

“So how’s the, y’know, boyfriend hunting going?” Olivier asks, as if talking about that would make this whole thing easier.

“Not too well, most of them are only interested in the money. There was one guy but, i don’t know, he was nice. I just didn’t feel anything”

“You’ll find someone”

“Yeah”

It’s just the way Granit looks at him. Olivier swallows, he needed to escape before he did something very, very, stupid.

“Need the loo” He says, avoiding Granit’s gaze as he gets up.

“Remember where it is?”

Olivier nods as he leaves the room. He takes the stairs two at a time and he does remember, turn left and then second door along. Once in there he splashes cold water on his face. What was he doing? He and Granit were friends, good friends, but friends nonetheless. 

He doesn’t know what to use to dry his face, there are several towels hung up but he doesn’t want to use the wrong one so eventually goes for toilet paper. 

Once his face is dry he feels a little better. He was going to go down, finish his wine, maybe suggest a film, or even that he take Granit out for dinner, and then? He shakes off the thought. He would simply go home after, and that would be that.

He throws the toilet paper in the bin, misses, picks it up and puts it inside. He can’t help but notice the contents of the bin though: Bloody tissues, broken razors without their blades, and of course there’s the usual packaging and cotton wool in there too. 

Olivier thinks it’s a bit strange but what did he know? Maybe it was normal for some people. He pushes it out of his mind and heads downstairs.

 

“I was getting worried” Granit says when Olivier reappears “Thought i’d have to drink all this wine without you”

“That would be a shame”

Olivier sits down and picks his glass up again. It appears Granit is slightly tipsy already, giggling to himself.

“I mean” He starts “There’s meant to be someone out there for everyone, but maybe it’s just me. Maybe i don’t have anyone”

“Granit, that’s silly. You’ll find someone”

Olivier finds this a little odd too, sure Granit would talk about ‘when he got a boyfriend’, but he didn’t strike Oli as that bothered he didn’t have one.

“Maybe it’s my fault. After Lukas...I didn’t work hard enough, wasn’t strong enough. Just not good enough”

Granit’s face changes as he says this, he looks tired and dare Olivier think, very very sad?

“Granit, hey” Olivier puts his glass down on the table and looks at his friend “I don’t know what happened with Lukas but you are good enough”

“No, you don’t understand, how could you?”

Granit looks away but Olivier grabs the top of his arms, his fingers sliding up the huge sleeves. He hears Granit draw in a sharp breath and then he’s left clutching at air. But not before he’s felt it. Foreign rises and valleys marring otherwise perfect skin.

Olivier sits there, thinking, piecing it all together. 

-Bloody tissues in the bin

-Broken razors with no blades

-So where were those blades?

(tearing into unbroken skin, spilling blood....)

“Granit, what was that...on your arm?” Olivier doesn’t want to believe it.

“It’s nothing” Granit tries to act innocent but Olivier can just tell.

“Granit please, I just want to help”

“You wouldn’t understand, I think it’s better if you leave”

“Please, talk to me. I’m here for you” Granit looks defeated so Olivier knows he’s won “I’m not going anywhere”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ksaldjakls i'm gonna edit this later...maybe should've saved it to drafts but whateverrrrr and i've never used that before :o and also hi!! it's been ages :o i've been in west yorkshire aka the land of no wifi

“Ok” Granit says and Olivier relents, sitting back down properly “I don’t know how it started”

“It’s ok” Olivier encourages.

“Maybe...I don’t know. I only tried it once and then…”

“It got out of hand?”

Granit nods and offers a sad smile “I’m sad Oli”

This takes Olivier by surprise. Maybe it was the way he’s so honest about it, or how Oli never would’ve expected this. He tries to think back on the past few months, past year, looking for clues. 

“Ah. I mean...is this to do with Lukas?” Olivier knows Granit and Lukas broke up about 2 years ago, but it could be.

“It used to be, not anymore. I don’t know what this is”

“I understand. Come on” Olivier stands up and offers Granit a hand up.

“Where are we going?”

“To a club, I think you need cheering up”

Granit smiles and follows Olivier to the hallway where he puts his coat on and sets the security system. Olivier really doesn’t know what he’s hoping to achieve here, but Granit was sad and that made him sad. And when he was sad, he went out clubbing. 

It’s a good night, by the end of it Olivier thinks Granit looks a bit more cheerful at least, but then again he’d looked cheerful since he knew him and yet…

“I had fun” Granit smiles as they stand in his driveway. Olivier wants to ask, or be asked, to stay over but he knows that’s not very practical with training tomorrow.

“Me too, i’ll text you. We should meet up again”

Granit nods, leans in. Olivier freaks out. He knows what he’s going for. Hadn’t he wanted this? Yes. But now? He’s scared, this isn’t the right time. He backs away and turns to leave.

 

It’s only when he’s in a taxi Olivier realises that might not have been the best move. Granit had been feeling so down and then he’d rejected him. Well, not rejected him but that must be how it seemed. He curses himself and decides he better go over again tomorrow after training.

 

Granit couldn’t believe it, everything had been going so well and he was so sure that was what Olivier wanted too. The wine, what he’d said, didn’t that mean…?

He goes straight to the bathroom, reaching on top of the cupboard. Fresh blades, and fresh skin on his other arm.

Blood trickles down his arm and he feels better for the release. The rejection still hurt, he’d thought Olivier was the one. The way they’d flirted with each other the season before and then tonight...He was an idiot he’d decided. They were friends, and that was that.

He drops the blade in the sink. He was too drunk to care right now and anyway, he needed to sleep. 

Granit wakes up with what he imagines is the worst headache imaginable. He groans as he reaches to check the time. 10:30. Wait...10:30!? He was late! He pushes back the duvet in a rush and then he sees it. Red. Everything’s red. He looks down and yes, the beds covered in blood! And his hands...and his arms...what had happened?

He can remember Olivier, and a bar, and he’s guessing he was pretty drunk, but why would he hurt himself like that? He’d checked the cuts and they were bad.

Olivier might know. Feeling slightly calmer, Granit reaches for his phone and dials Olivier’s number.

“Hey, is your head as bad as mine?” Olivier laughs down the phone.

“Oli...what happened last night?”

“What do you remember?”

“Drinking, and..I don’t know. I woke up and there’s...blood...everywhere. And my arms, I don’t remember doing it. I’m scared”

“Hang on, I’m coming over” Olivier had to be at training in half an hour but screw that, Granit needed him. 

And then he feels bad, he knows exactly why Granit had cut himself. The worst part was Granit himself didn’t remember.

The door’s open when Olivier gets to Granit’s house. He walks straight up to the bedroom and sees Granit sitting on the bed. He was right, the blood was everywhere.

“Oh Granit”

Granit just smiles sadly at him.

“It’s ok, I’ll explain but we need to get you cleaned up alright?”

Granit nods and lets himself be led to the bathroom. Olivier feels so guilty, even more so when he sees the state of the bathroom. Granit had been in here last night, cutting himself up out of pure self hatred.

“Just...just sit there” Olivier points to the edge of the bathtub.

He finds an old washcloth and wets it before using that to clean the cuts. Granit just sits there looking at him inquisitively. Then Olivier digs in the cupboard and finds a bandage.

“Is that too tight?” He asks once he’s finished. Granit shakes his head “Ok, good. Why don’t you sleep again?”

“What happened last night?”

“I believe I made a mistake”

“Oh, I think I remember...outside...and I was going to…”

Olivier nods “I wanted to but I didn’t...I didn’t think it was right, given the circumstances”

“I understand”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I do like you, it was just…”

“The wrong time, I understand”

“Go back to bed, we’ll talk later alright?”

“There’s blood there too”

“Spare bed?”

Granit nods and walks to the spare room, picking up a change of pyjamas first. He changes and gets into the spare bed and Olivier just watches him, he’s only slightly less guilty. Granit understood, but it still must’ve hurt. 

Once Granit’s asleep Olivier decides it might be an idea to clean up some of the blood. The bed sheets are covered in it, thankfully it hasn’t reached the mattress. 

Olivier takes the covers off and puts them in the washing machine, then he sits and thinks. What was he going to do to make this right?

 

Later on, Granit looks more cheerful at least.

“I was thinking…” He says as he walks into the living room.

“Hmm?”

“I like you, but maybe this isn’t the right time”

“I only thought that, because...i thought it might not be the right time for you” Olivier explains.

“I think it is, I like you. When would be the right time?”

“You’re right. Now’s as good a time as any”

Granit smiles and sits down next to Olivier who pulls him into his side.

“How are you arms feeling?” Oli asks.

“Sore”

“No wonder, and don’t worry, I phoned Unai”

“Danke”

Olivier smiles “How are you feeling? Really”

“I’m fine, you’re here”

“I am, and I’m not going anywhere alright?”

Granit nods and leans into the frenchman. 

“I love you” he mutters.

“I love you too”


End file.
